TASM Lab - Penisgeek Chrestomathy penis mistakes

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Penisgeek Chrestomathy: The Essential Cubicle Nosepicker

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  1. The Essential Cubicle Nosepicker (or Any Other Day This Year)
  2. Drawer of Knives
  3. Everything Seems Clear (or I will Sew Every Seed That Falls)
  4. The Dreams of Buried Children
  5. She Made A Simile (To Explain to The Drunks It Was Time To Leave)
  6. Demystified, Disenchanted, But Still Stirring Delusional (I'm Bigger Than Atmospheric Pressure, Larger Than Weather Could Be)
  7. Mom's Favorite Bum (or The Price of Money)
  8. America's Lear
  9. Failure for Dummies
  10. America's Lear (Reprise)
  11. Black Cloud Over Charlestown
  12. The Grain of Deity in Woman
  13. Beautiful Like Me
The Till Action Science Media Laboratory presents:

Penisgeek Chramathia
Screams from the cubicle (songs about myself and other dorks)

I worked on the music for Penisgeek almost two years. Not that it was a huge task, or that I glommed over perfection. I was just traveling so god damn much for work that I never had a chance to sit down and write. Other stuff happened too, like getting married.

I actually had the first draft done in May of 98, where I gave out a few copies of a 4-track recording to friends in Kalamazoo (I was visiting for Brent's wedding), including my buddy Craig Verity, Jared Bryant, Brent Oberlin, and Mike Roche. Everyone gave me a resounding "so what". Craig said most of the songs were forgettable. Jared said the piano was nice, but the vocals were a terd.

I went back to the drawing board for over a year and tried to pep the songs up a bit. I eliminated a couple of the stinkers, retooled the lyrics, created a female character, built a storyline and added the violin. I also wrote some new ones. The original song line up is as follows:

1. The Long, Scary Porno Movie I Dreamt Last Night
2. The Dreams of Buried Children
3. (OvermanÕs) Clear (I will sew every seed that falls)
4. Drawer of Knives
5. Failure for Dummies
6. Demystified, Disenchanted, but Still Stirring Delusional
7. MomÕs Favorite Bum
8. This Invisible, Invisible Potion
9. She Made a Metaphor
10. Beautiful Like Me

Of these, "Dreams of Buried Children" was the only song that didn't go through revisions. Oddly enough, that was the first song written specifically for this CD.

As I write this before the release of "Penisgeek", I realize that everyone may have the same "so what" reaction all over again to the revised album. I hope that's not the case. I think its a pretty snappy CD.

I hope to get sound clips of the missing songs on this site(even thought they are terrible). "The Long, Scary Porno Movie I Dreamt Last Night" started with a buzzing electric guitar, and then had a Helmut-esque bass line and drum beat kick in. It then transformed into a riotous piano number. I was fearing losing all of my punk rock credibility with just a piano record. I wanted the listener to have a heavy metal viewpoint coming into the program, even though it was primarily all piano. I eventually shed this loose cover, and admitted to myself that I had burned up all of my punk-rock credibility when I started rocking the big corporate cock every day for money. "Porno Movie..." would result in canabalizing any legitimate effect the remainder of the songs had. It had to go, along with any ties to my heavy metal heritage.

The lyrics went like this:

The Long Scary Porno Movie I dreamt last night

She isolates the nightmares and the dreams
She shakes the pearl jam from the sheets
This boy, he's retarded, he musters six foot high
Pissed red piss, shat pulled fist, wrist stumped kiss,
stakes his rape, spells my name wrong
God and texas, he reeked one bath away from murder. And Jesus,
Purple grabs purple prick while he tries to Piss,
I dont drink no pepsi, i dont steal no pennies,
i dont bother mother, another bitter mother
my wife is trying to scream
To agregate the nightmares and the dreams
It's coming together, a boy retarded and relieved,
me, little naked me, still twisted in the sheets.
I love myself and I like to show myself how much I love myself
and the crowd goes wild, oh Yea!
even though I fight, I can't shake
the long, scary porno movie I dreamt last night


Another stinker was "This Invisible Invisible Potion". I wrote it back when I was in Overman, and didn't know what to do with it. The original 1991 song was called "I'm turning invisible" and the lyrics were aweful. It's not really a terrible song, the thing just sounded stale. These are the updated (read: 1998) lyrics, which are decent enough:

That Invisible Invisible Potion

I was choking on your fathers dentures
I slipped them in my mouth to prove I'm lecherous
I love to brag about my coup de ta
of every dumpy bitch that could smell my genius

and I must of shared the stage again,
why would you miss me
I must of drank this invisible invisible potion

Remeber when they signed my big promotion
crowning, on the side, my heroic devotion
I love to brag about the coup de ta
Of every drunken jackass who was struck with ambition

and I must of shared the stage again,
and I wonder how...
you could miss the prettiest collection of my obsessions
And who could miss the daring mix of all my cataloged dimensions
but its my feelings, my feelings that betray my starry eyes
and failing, jesus failing scares the shit right out of me
I mean, the POV of this SOB rings as high as they can hang
And the workmanship and honesty could be modeled by a king
and those feelingss, those feelings of standing six inches high
and failing, jesus, failing, scares the shit right cout of me
failing, trailing, bailing, ailing, I am feeling OK, Yahoo!

and I must of been there,
why would you miss me
I must of drank this invisible invisible potion for you!


This song was so dumb it didn't even make the first draft. It's called "The Proof of Gravity", and will be forever in development.

The proof of gravity disolving wants to make some sparks, filling shopping carts
full of grocerys, vacuuming stinking little parts, corner sweep the cracks
Falling, apples smash down. Hallways filled with animals
The proof of gravity makes its case buying razor blades, she's trying to shave her legs
in the bathtub, one leg up, balance makes her rock while she tries to shave
Push her through the elevator, don't berate her, just evade her
Push her through the elevator,
crying with sweet success
Hallways fill loud with animals
Push her through the elevator, push down push down
The proof of gravity helps explain umbrellas for the rain, and helmets for our heads
Once they went to driving, little rich coniving kids to school, those fools,
Couldn't count to twenty, couldn't add thier money to buy thier milk.
They paid the boys to tie thier shoes.
The boys got lucky. pulling glimpsies from beneath thier skirts.
They fell in line and sang...
Push them through the elevator, don't spank them, just pet them
Push them through the elevator, push down. Push down.
The proof of gravity craddling every drop they drink, Hodus takes the knife
Cutting through the neck, unlucky duck that makes the grade, salting crispy wings
Apples in the salad, walnuts in the stuffing live to warm the souls, the hearts, the minds
Loving little children, happy little children find there stockings full,
of toys and candy
The proof of gravity is most noticable when apples fall from trees



All in all, I think everything came out OK. We couldn't do all the violin and back-up vocals that were planned because we just ran out of time. Luckily, everything that was "essential" made it on. For the next one, what ever it may be, it would be nice to take a year for revisioning after the first draft is done. But then again, that certainly makes for a long production schedule. We'll see. Get the CD



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