TASM Lab - Thing and Nothing starring Chris Bryers of Kalamazoo's Twitch

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Thing and Nothing


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  1. The Year the Clouds Hated the Ground
  2. Robots & Humans
  3. A Crazy, Madcap Day
  4. The Day the Fish Grew Brains
  5. The Science of Rape
  6. Humans & Robots
  7. Baby, I1m a Star
  8. Bookend I
  9. Mashpee Mungquack1s Sales Pitch
  10. Enter Captain John Barneveld to Buy the Game
  11. Mashpee Plots with Captain John
  12. Enter Simon Still Looking for a Lover
  13. Mashpee Makes his First Offer
  14. Simon Refuses the Whores
  15. Mashpee Mungquck Delivers Christmas
  16. Simon Accepts the Offer
  17. Simon Still is Fucked
  18. Captain John Harrasses Simon
  19. Simon Makes a Boat
  20. Simon Starts to Understand
  21. Captain John Takes Advantage
  22. Captain Johns Final Arguement
  23. Simon & Captain John Decide to Meet Later to Kill Mashpee Mungquack
  24. Simon Realizes What He Must Do
  25. Simon & Christmas Enter the Quiet Wood
  26. Wine Runs Down Her Sleeves
  27. The Confirmation
  28. Beautiful, Naked Love
  29. Journey to the Grandstand to Kill Mungquack
  30. Enter Mungquack, Unafraid
  31. Mashpee Reveals Christmas
  32. Simon's First Blow
  33. The Ill-Starred Head-Scotch
  34. Simons Final Blow
  35. The Death of Mashpee Mungquack
  36. The Game is Done, The Deal is Still Open & Simon Quits
  37. Bookend II


Think back to the year the clouds hated the ground. War was declared, and the skies vomited poison. Lighting killed everyone and the ants all cried "Hero, when will you save us?" When it's time my friends... when it's time.

Robot stay hiding there's no congratulations for you. Robot stay running, today I teach you afraid, alone and paranoid. Will you teach me humanity? I'll only teach what's known to me.


I remember a season that was as warm as spring but it felt like hell. I was walking on Roman pavement, wearing roman shoes, I was playing Roman games. Eleven Christians were being chewed by seven lions and they screamed "Hero, where is our hero?" I tittered like a school girl."

Human stay liar, you hesitate more than I do. Panic's upon you, is this the lesson in afraid, alone and paranoid? Chicken, go back to where you hide. You don't need to believe in lies. Oh yeah! I remember that motley month when the neighborhood burnt to the ground. I had to coil a vessel to thwart the untimely escape of twenty thousand Mexican jumping beans. The ground retaliated and sent smoke enough to ruin the air. The children coughed "hero, we are tired and sick" ...and no one said anything.

It's a crazy, madcap today. Today, Wednesday all day. I'll find the time to finally decide today, Wednesday, no, Sunday. I'll waste my youth waiting for old ladies to make up there minds. Damn. The week I remember the least but remember still was the time every flower opened its soft petals and dripped cherry champagne into the lips of lovers. the kids played kick ball and I forgot to drink beer. We all wore capes and declared "Hero, lets have a parade!" and everyone had the courage.

I recall a day where the fish grew brains and learned their names and decided that bugs made for terrible dining fare. fear found spa in the minds of men and all idiots were afraid to bathe. A committee became committed and placed an ad in the classified which read "Hero, we need a solution" and one guy said... "I reckon we best kill 'em.

Human, oh hero, is this your manly method to silence the sirens, to cure the questions? Monster, humanitarian, are you so schooled in the science of rape? Don't ask me for muscles beyond my limbs. The hellions are fueled by whoppers and mountain dew. It is not the men that are me that make madness of this life. It is the mass without word or hope that rip virgin crack. So what you say is forget today. We'll wait for the music to change, for the kings to become kings and the scary to become the sane. Stupid machine I can argue that your words are untrue. We know hero, argue is all you do.

I forget the hour that child was raped I try anyway.

Human stay liar, you hesitate more than I do. Robot I'll kill you. I work hard enough to protect myself. I can't help everyone. You are my greatest enemy. But you are the one that created me.

In the exact same minute the skies turned yellow and wind started to blow... The volcanoes woke and the dams all broke... The icebergs sunk and the mountains shrunk and the seas all steamed... At that same moment everyone was home watching TV... and they all hollered... "Hero! Your kickin' ass now!" and muscles said... "Baby, I'm a star!"

And in a moment there is a moment where the heroes are quiet and the ants stop being stomped. I won't remember this later, but the cool of the silence will be the crossing of question marks burned on human heads. The realization of pain, the one to blame all glassy clear in the second between being cut and starting to bleed.


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THING & NOTHING



or "The Year the Clouds Hated the Ground"



Book by Jeffrey J. Till


FOREWORD by D. Austin Nash

STORY SUMMARY


Prologue:
1. The Year the Clouds Hated the Ground
2. Robots & Humans
3. A Crazy, Madcap Day
4. The Day the Fish Grew Brains
5. The Science of Rape
6. Humans & Robots
7. Baby, I1m a Star
8. Bookend I
Part I: The Mungquack Initiative
9. Mashpee Mungquack1s Sales Pitch
10. Enter Captain John Barneveld to Buy the Game
11. Mashpee Plots with Captain John
12. Enter Simon Still Looking for a Lover
13. Mashpee Makes his First Offer
14. Simon Refuses the Whores
15. Mashpee Mungquck Delivers Christmas
16. Simon Accepts the Offer
Part II: Made of Wood of No Tree, Floating in Water that Leads to No Sea
17. Simon Still is Fucked
18. Captain John Harrasses Simon
19. Simon Makes a Boat
20. Simon Starts to Understand
21. Captain John Takes Advantage
22. Captain John1s Final Arguement
23. Simon & Captain John Decide to Meet Later to Kill Mashpee Mungquack
24. Simon Realizes What He Must Do
Part III A Viscous Pillow for Density Heads
25. Simon & Christmas Enter the Quiet Wood
26. Wine Runs Down Her Sleeves
27. The Confirmation
28. Beautiful, Naked Love
Part IV Thing & Nothing
29. Journey to the Grandstand to Kill Mungquack
30. Enter Mungquack, Unafraid
31. Mashpee Reveals Christmas
32. Simon1s First Blow
33. The Ill-Starred Head-Scotch
34. Simon1s Final Blow
35. The Death of Mashpee Mungquack
36. The Game is Done, The Deal is Still Open & Simon Quits
37. Bookend II



Characters:

Mr. Mashpee Mungquack is the controller of Cum Pooter. He is also a slick salesman.

Captain John Barneveld is a young buck looking for adventure and high times

Simon Still is a young man who feels very lonely. He is looking for the love of a nice girl.

Christmas is resident to the dream machine, a joint creation of Mungquack's greed and Simon's want of the perfect girl.

Babs And Leather are two digital companions who simulate trashy sexmongers.

The Passerby just passes by.

Scene: Cum Pooter, a land of fabricated realities where dreams are bought and sold





Back to the beginning

PART ONE
THE MUNQUACK INITIATIVE


Mr. Mashpee Munquack tells it how it is
Scene: The grand stand. Server Mungquack pitches to the users. enter Mashpee Mungquack


Mashpee In every man's dreams there's a place warm sweet where he can suckle close to ma ma's teet. But dreams are things for cardboard boys and dragons on a high. Let take you to place only a keystroke away where you can buy heaven for only nineteen dollars a day.

What makes a man a man? Is it his strength or ingenuity? He can climb the highest mountain and stand up when he pees. Flesh and bone are always such a bore. Recipes for heroes never read reality. Let me hook you up the master server, wired from your head. Have you ever played poker with a polar bear? A polar bear plays poker pretty fair. Have you ever cracked Kraken in your underwear? If you could, would you dare? Now let me give you the facts strait up, boy. Cum Pooter's got the speed that you need. I can give everything you dream in your dreams and do you know why?

Passerby Why?

Mashpee Because I like you.

enter Captain John Barneveld. Captain John Barneveld buys the game

Capt. John Mr. Mashpee Mungquack is it true what you say? I will buy my manhood this new technological way. Give me something crazy, dangerous and insane. I'm a warrior at heart, please name the game.

Mashpee A bleeding shot of testosterone can give a man big balls without ever calling him a cock. A warrior at heart is only partially true, for all men are made with one thing in mind and that's to be strong, brave, enduring and wise. I'll give you an epic that sups your dreams. You'll fuck twenty lesbians and make them all scream. You'll timber Tyson with two blows and a hard on. Drink puddles of beer. Then peddle your horsey home to a castle of bitch and 'tang. A game you say, eh? There's an evil in this land that's making stupid people out of stupid Americans. They lay all day and play these games and never stray from the worlds they make. They buy it from a machine and from this machine they buy there dreams and their dreams never hurt them. This machine isolates them and then another person they will never meet. From this separation from earth and hearth they are birthed into something quite useless and unfriendly. Who needs a wife when sirens will suffice, who need kids when fun is all there is? Who needs a friend when there's never an end? Love? Fuck that shit. We have Cum Pooter! Do you see what I mean, jellybean? It sucks the life that we need. It's destroying our families and homes. It's the disease that spoils you and me.

Capt. John excuse me if I'm mistaken but isn't this the machine the very thing we partake in?

Mashpee Of course it is, you Thratian, you have been logged on for a week now. I'm telling you of this game you'll play. Don't listen to what I say. It's all bullshit anyway. This is the stand that you must take to play the game without mistake.

Capt. John ...But what is this game Mr. Mungquack sir? What do I do, Mr. Mungquack what do I do?

Mashpee Destroy the machine. Cut the line and break it's spine, you must wreck the information superhighway.

Capt. John ...and is this the game?

Mashpee This is the game of all games, to make you a man among men. What's more fun then to kill the one you love? (hi Chris)

Capt. John Can I ask where and when and who and how...

Mashpee Why right here, right now. Go to the core and wreck the source. Murder the one in charge.

Capt. John ...and who would that be?

Mashpee He, dear friend, is me!

Capt. John This game I will play, your sale is made.

Mashpee Before you go and I debit your account I must tell you a few last words. Find a man who's lost and confused. Tell him to come with you for he'll be of great use. By yourself you will surely lose, but you stand a chance if your number's two. It can not be hard to find another after all. A sucker is born every day. Capt. John Looky here, a sucker is on his way.

enter Simon

Simon confesses to a less than satisfying time and then buys love

Simon I'll say I'm not a failure this time. I will tell her I am brave, not afraid to keep eyes open always. I'll show her I am sober, still working, not to seem technology has made lumps on my head. Piece by piece I found plates made of lead. I paste them to my fragile peel until I'm safe from my daddy. Stone by stone I've built walls ten feet high and damn them all for being real. Damn myself, and then I paint them gray. I'll tell her I'm secure. I can't take standing up by myself, waking up all alone. I need soft hands to undress me, to hold me up and wash my skin, tell me I sometimes win. Woman, where are you?

Mashpee Good mornin' lone soldier, how do you be? I hear you moanin' about this lack of company. My name is server Munguack, Mashpee if you please, and my charge is to make you happy. Simon I'm feeling so alone...

Mashpee If you looked under your eyelids could you possibly see a finer piece of ass for the munch? Oh yeah, that's the way I like it. Fat lips smacking hot spit, tawny curves, mango, orangutan. Slather sex of nubile ripeness, fuzzy warm brown satisfaction. Oh yeah. Hot snot sneezing pearl jit from nose and curl, sticky lovin' peach pit pie. Love that cooter, pooter yum. Fuck. We're talking sex here, sweet, saucy and tight. Step forward contestant number one and find your pleasure. Let me introduce you to Babs and Leather...

Babs And Leather Fuck me.

Simon Take back your Pepsi whores. I don't need this shallow filth. Take back your TV stars. I'm looking for beauty and truth. I want the one ma ma sent. Where are you?

enter Christmas

Christmas Can I kiss your eyes shut and put you to bed, baby? Rub the ache away, the strain from the day of doing nothing. Your shoulders are so strong but they get so tense every once in a while. Are you hungry again, soldier? Breakfast warms a sleepy head, I'll pretend I'm sewing while you eat. Here is beer. Tell me a joke so I can laugh like I always do. For every promise that finds weight on your tongue I'll understand enough, inhale it's stuff to string between my breasts. Can I gloss affection across your weary hide? You are such a handsome buck. Every time we take to bed I'll come.

Simon Scribble in sand my fairest wish to watch water suck my words away, over sand there are open hands hoping you accept me.

Christmas Sand, that I am, holds your words in trust, feel, believe hands holding face and I inhale your breath to skin that deceives... I receive.





Back to the beginning

Part Two
MADE OF WOOD OF NO TREE, FLOATING IN WATER THAT LEADS TO NO SEA


Captain John Barneveld convinces Simon to destroy Mungquack and his fairy land.
Scene: A river side on the sunniest day

Capt. John Brother, I've read the book, I saw the film, heard the news. Simon Still is FUCKED! Quick, on the war between the clouds and the ground; were the clouds justified in burning the air and torching earth while humans and robots alike found their children burnt and their parents had drowned? Was the ground right to finish the fight and burn all the trees to choke with smoke the sky's tyrannous bangs?

Simon Gosh, no, I don't think so...

Capt. John ...and if all fish had there wish and were able to print business cards, and then hand them out, without a doubt of finding new clientele? They become Coca cola and Morotola, make human slaves, they rape or kids and slaughter our babes. What would you say if that happened today?

Simon Someone would have to do something...

Capt. John Poet, did they laugh at you at school? Did they find the time to rake the lisping Mary? Poet, I'd offer you some help but I have better things to do than breathe the shit around you.

Simon Avenger, your flatulence is tough. Have you found your kicks throwing stones, killing fish, sucking buzz out of little girls' skin.

Capt. John Songer, has the whistle of birds riddled grace, the rhythm of waves wove ensem in your filmy brain? The laxen way of your opiate gate has given you wrist to worship the genie.

Simon Your daunts are poorly planned. You are looking at a man who does what he can.

Capt. John So you have a wife and a comfortable bed. A full tummy, a clear head. I take it you have absolute ownership in the cum pooter land.

Simon Guided by dreams, I see everything.

Capt. John Guided by dreams we swim in the streams we've already swam. How stale it will be remembering only these things.

Simon Come float in my boat. Look, I made a boat. Cool.

Capt. John Made of wood of no one's tree, floating in water that leads to no sea.

Simon You talk funny. I have a lock of her hair I wrap about my finger. At seven o'clock I take the lock and match it with the others. Can't you see I'm happy?

Capt. John Just letting you know that the boat you float is really something of a joke, it's not even real.

Simon Its not even here?

Capt. John It can only be make believe.

Simon ...But I feel the mass and hear the engine hum. If this boat wasn't here, we'd fall into water to swim or to drown.

Capt. John Think, man, with no dream of water there are no dreams of boats.

Simon I suppose you dream of this boat too?

Capt. JohnPerhaps I am your dream to understand these things.

Simon If I'm dreaming you then I'll make you go away.

Capt. John But I am not your dream and I'll prove it to you now. I will your motor away and give you oars to power our ship.

Simon I thought this was my boat.

Capt. John Nothing here is truly yours. Its all bought for a price.

Simon You're talking lies, captain. My freedom comes from learning love.

Capt. John You pull the oars without breaking a sweat. Why don't you strain?

Simon Because strain is pain, and that's something I avoid.

Capt. John Embrace pain to find your trip a reward. If nothing is spent then nothing is earned. You cheapen your prize. God man, where are we going?

Simon Nowhere, to quicken the process of going nowhere I will away oars that never strained and bring my motor back.

Capt. John Then I will away the motor, since our propulsion is a facade. Let us drift swift in direction of hope.

Simon Now you see where I'm coming from. The engine's noise is gone and my arms are free.

Capt. John A boat is such a tedious means, we'll ride the sultan's elephants. Simon The sultan's elephant is to slow. On backs of swans is the way we'll go.

Capt. John While we're at it, I really think the swans are not enough. A flying carpet will speed our needs.

Simon Carpets don't interests me, a dragon's wing if you please

Capt. John ...On the back of Pegasus...



Simon ...On a meteor flying through space...

Capt. John ...Holding the cape of Superman...

Simon ...Fucking the Valkries on a pillage to Vahalla...

Capt. John ...Riding the blast of a supernova while eating God's jellybeans! God Damn it, I like it.

Simon ...we are still headed nowhere. I am numb to the maddest sight because it was there at my call. Damn.

Capt. John So you see what I mean. What good is the grandest prize if obtaining it is so cheap? I'll leave you now with that consideration. I know you must meet her at seven. One more question before I leave. Why do you wait to visit your girl?

Simon The rates are cheaper.

Capt. John Excuse me, I did not hear.

Simon It's happy hour in Cum Pooter land. I save my money to see her at seven. I afford to see her then.

Capt. John I know you wouldn't be interested but I know a way to make her stay in your arms forever. It would seem the money you spend goes to one Mashpee Mungquack. And since you pay him to roll with her we could assume that he owns her. Now I would not suggest anything, but it would seem that you're paying for love. Does this make sense, my friend?

Simon No. The money I spend. Mungquack gives me like a father would. The money's spent.

Capt. John Is your love true or do you make it unconditional with your credit? I don't mean to pry, but isn't that perverse, or maybe she really doesn't like you, maybe really doesn't love you. Its all in the cash...

Simon You lie to me. I pay Mungquack, not her. She would have me anyway...

Capt. John Then free her, coward. Hold proof to the fire that you and she are free. You make her token with your unchallenged buyings and sellings. Don't allow Mungquack to house her as whore. Take it in you hands to stop the abasement, You have love at a superficial cost. Take your guts and your balls and your muscle and your will and champion your desire. Come with me and your dear Christmas will be no longer the hooker of Mungquack's but your wife, man. The sacredness of love and family is being raped while you watch your half-time master getting fat. Come with me and we will free Christmas. Come with me, Simon, and we will destroy the slavedriver, the whoremonger, the moneysucking inhuman master server, Mister Mashpee Mungquack. boom. We will take his head as a bloody sample of the Prosperos who will abuse and with his death the fairies are free and with that freedom Christmas comes to your arms and you live in the warming embrace of eternal happiness. Now come on, man, are you with me? Are you with me to kill Mungquack and liberate love?

Simon I told her I was brave...

Capt. John Of course you did, soldier. This is your chance to make words reality, or at least it will seem. Come with me, come with me and we'll make you the man and we'll make her the woman. Come with me, we'll murder the server.

Simon I must see her at seven. Capt. John And you must meet with me at ten. Until then, adieu my friend! Ya!

exit Captain John Barneveld

Simon I said I was not failing this time. I have told her I am brave, not afraid to keep eye's open always. I told her I was sober, still working, not to seem technology has made lumps on my head. I'll fight to see her out of pain, to pick her up and hold her tight and tell her that's she's free to love some one who still loves her, can face the fire and say that he want's to make something more. Christmas, I'll save you...




Back to the beginning

Part Three
A VISCOUS PILLOW FOR DENSITY HEADS


enter the lovers
Scene: A quiet wood, the meadow, a cave, a bedroom and everywhere else nice.




Simon A canopy on favorite days found timber in whisper.

Christmas Crackle leaves of autumns drape, crackle wood on scented blaze.

Simon Find grassy soot on rosen skin. Mmm.

Christmas Aah.

Simon A warming cave with amber glaze...

Christmas A lion's rug, a clipped flame. A candle humming softly to...

Both ...Bathtub circles coming from round waste, your gentle slave

Simon My head found sleepy safety in the nestle of your peat

Christmas moss sleeping on a wisdom tree

Simon A viscous pillow for density heads, now we go to bed...

Christmas No, we will laugh instead. Warm red wine in summer gourds draining down my sleeves. The shirt that clings, the air that cleans, the finch that sings of love has been snagged in my hands. Flutter, flyby, little bird has been wrung out, killed, and hung to dry. Press lips, my twinkle star, for this is our prettiest day.

Simon I told you I was brave.

Christmas I'll leave the light on.

Simon I've shown you I am sober

Christmas I've brought glasses to our bed...

Simon I feel so safe

Christmas and I'll kiss your eyes shut

Simon I am falling into bed

Christmas and I'll put you to bed, baby

Simon I am not a failure

Christmas Silly boy, Simon, you've won! Take off your scarf, take off your hat. Take off your boots, we can't have that. I'll hang up your tie, take off your glasses, I like to see your eyes. Unbutton your buttons, unbuckle your belt. Pull off your socks and tickle your feet. Undo my hair. Take off my shoes, loosen the strings. Help me with my dress, the zipper's in back. We'll hang your vest neat Pull my dress over my head. Rock me, hold strong to everything that makes you believe that you conquered every dream you've had.

Both Spin me, crush pillows, crumple sheets. Make me believe that our first love was first discovery.

Christmas Take off my bra, no, I've got it myself. Let you pants fall, kick them aside.

Simon What about our underwears?

Christmas Aren't we the impatient ones. OK.




Back to the beginning

Part four
THING & NOTHING (The Ill-starred Headscoch)


The Killing of Mungquack (Captain John Wins the Game)
scene: the grandstand
enter Captain John Barneveld and Simon




Capt. John Fall in now cruisers of the Apocalypse. The time strikes nine and everything is shot to shit. Assemble your armaments, sharpen the bayonets. Grab you caps and mount the super go-cart, this fucking bus isn't stopping until this bitter technocracy has felt the uncompromising, unbreakable power, anger, hate of you and me.

Simon I've saved a lock of her hair to wrap about my finger, I wish I had a pretty picture if I hap die tonight.

Capt. John Now men were looking tough allright. I've never seen a stronger class. I feel a breeze the screams victory for our team.

Simon I brought a gun and packed a lunch. I hope a sandwich will be enough

Capt. John Now listen boys, and listen close. The enemy is over the hill. He's found us out, and without a doubt has armies of the smartest fish to pull our hair and break our teeth, now ask me if I'm scared...

Simon I've saved a lock of her hair to wrap about my finger, I wish I had a pretty picture if I hap die tonight.

Capt. John No, the muscles on my back are strong enough to kill the bull that hides inside his lies. Have you heard the enemy has machine that spits fire out its ass and then has the class to ask the boss if farting flames on patriots true is really something Mashpee wants to do. Then Mashpee laughs and Mungquack tells in a yell that the machine must fight on. Now ask me if I feel fear.

Simon I think it may rain tonight and there's a nip in the air. Perhaps it would serve us right to come back tomorrow.

Capt. John Mount your horse. Today the world quakes at the power of the human arm, instructed by the human brain and founded in flesh.

Simon I've brought a gun and packed lunch. I hope a sandwich will be enough.

Capt. John Now scream out the mightiest battle cry. I ask as your captain to commit to the cause.

Capt. John Told her I was brave...

Capt. John That's the spirit, man. You make me proud to be on your side. Now let us ride for we must destroy the information super highway.

Simon Go to the core and wreck the source and murder the one in charge

Both Go to the stand, kill the man, no one sleeps till Mungquack bleeds

Capt. John I bring you hate that marks my face, I've signed the contract for your death. Mashpee, can you hear me?

Simon We have a plan to kill by hands of humans without fear

Both Go to the stand and kill the man, no one sleeps till Mungquack bleeds

Simon I've saved a lock of her hair to wrap about my finger, I wish I had a pretty picture if I hap die tonight.

Capt. John I want the head of tyranny's love, I found the dead in Mungquack's closet. Mashpee can you hear me.

Simon Go to the core and wreck the source and murder the one in charge

Both Go to the stand, kill the man, no one sleeps till Mungquack bleeds. We have a plan to kill by hands of humans without fear. Go to the stand, kill the man, no one sleeps till Mungquack bleeds. Go to the stand and kill the man no one sleeps till Mungquack bleeds.

enter Mr. Mashpee Mungquack



Mashpee In every man's dreams there's a place snowy cold, where he runs naked down a crowded street, and sees a dog eating his sisters eyes, and a preacher screwing her in the ass. My god, does that suck... What keeps a man a man? Is it strength or security? Does he look for independence or a family to feed? You two have had it all before, but I can say it never came so easily. Ha! Come to me. Come to me. Everything is waiting here for you. Do you know the difference between courage and fear? It's always hiding or taking a chance. The only difference I see is that they are both founded in ignorance.

Capt. John I know your game, I played my stay.

Simon I hear you make humans take their love and then make them throw it backwards. Mashpee, I must kill you.

Mashpee Oh really, is this so? Come now, Simon. I know the trouble your in. Down to your last penny, fingering your last hope. Christmas wants to stay with you but I'm afraid that your broke. Listen to how she begs for you...

enter Christmas

Christmas Simon still holds his love for me. but he can't make the payments due, I hope he knows that I love him too. Free me, Simon, pay Mashpee so you can hold and kiss my neck again...

Simon Christmas I'm here to find you again, but I don't know what to do...

Mashpee Well, normal loan rates in Cum Pooter are 20% down with an APR of 22% and minimum monthly payments of 15% of outstanding balance...

Capt. John Simon, No! Don't listen to him...

Mashpee Because of your previous outstanding financial relationship I am prepared to consider moneys spent as down payment and offer you a new low rate of only 18.2% APR on current purchases

Christmas Pay him, Simon, Pay Mashpee... pay him Simon, take the deal...

Capt. John Free your love and free yourself, take your hands and be a man, murder the one in charge...

Simon We had a plan to kill by hands of human's without fear...

Christmas Simon, please!

Mashpee A brainless head will make you dead, Do you want her or not? Accept my deal or I will sell her to someone else.

Capt. John Don't make her a whore. Don't waste away with hesitation.

Christmas You told me you were brave, now make the deal!

Capt. John Brave save all, take my knife, stick it in his ribs.

Simon Die!

Mashpee A knife to kill the king? Who could've thought a thing could kill a king like me. I make a shiny sword. A scary, shiny sword to dash my asail.

Simon I brought a gun to shoot your head.

Mashpee I make my head rubber and make yours glue. Missiles bounce off mine and stick to you.

Capt. John Simon, the mind is our resource.

Mashpee He has no mind.

Capt. John Create any weapon to thwart your foe. The game is mine.

Mashpee The game is up.

Simon I make a hairy dog

Capt. John More!

Simon I make a scary dog...

Capt. John More!

Simon a giant hairy scary dog with pointy metal teeth.

Capt. John More!

Simon It has eagle wings, it does nasty things.

Capt. John Better.

Simon It has a rhino horn and spits fire out its nose

Capt. John Allright!

Mashpee Your dog's a stupid dog. I kill it with a plane, run it down with a train and make a battle ship.

Simon I sink your battleship with atomic bombs. Boom, Boom, Boom!

Mashpee The sun explodes supernova and wrecks everything on earth...

Simon I send god and Jesus and the devil on a fiery chariot to snip you in the bud

Capt. John Hey, good one, Simon!

Christmas Go team!

Mashpee I summon every ounce of horrible, black, worm-hole, sucking bung, maggot infested, infected, dark shit stinking, evil fire, cum soaked embodiment of hate, hate, hate, to kill your soul and poison your mind, you pansy dum fucker. The ill-starred head scoch is begun and done. What blow can possibly contrive with your soul and mind now mine?

Simon With soul and mind now benign, I am broken , but survive. The last hit my only reserve and meet ends you will deserve. My killing stroke, delivered by doves, and that's the power of real, undying, proven love.

Mashpee Oh, you got me. I am struck. I am dead. Fairies be free. Someone please, a drop of water to soothe my burning tongue, Death's head shadow pulls me in deeper and deeper still. I wonder if there's a place of loving grace and kisses for the face of evil men like me. The better man has one, Simon, and now I must rest for I am dead.

Simon I did it, I killed the server and found freedom in love

Mashpee Sorry son, but as Mungquack say "it's all bullshit, anyway" Captain John, you may take your leave, the game is played. Let's call it a day.

Capt. John When I see you again, I don't know when. Adieu my friends.

Simon Your not dead?

Mashpee I was never alive, I never die. I'm made of money and fools like you's dreams. Take your woman the offers still good, As is everything, you and her, thing and nothing, anthemunanthem. Listen to how she adores. Christmas, say "I love you, Simon"

Christmas I love you Simon

Mashpee Say "I love you Simon"

Christmas I love you Simon. I love you Simon. I love you Simon. I love you Simon...

Simon Stop! Stop it!

And in a moment there is a moment where the heroes are quiet and the ants stop being stomped. I won't remember this later, but the cool of the silence will be the crossing of question marks burned on human heads. The realization of pain, the one to blame all glassy clear in the second between falling out of the highest window and waking up with your underwear around your knees.

End


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